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This isn't so much a DVD review, so much as a review of a feature, of sorts.
If you are familiar with "Mystery Science Theater 3000," then all you need is a name to be interested in this: Mike Nelson.
If you're not initiated with MST3K, look it up.
Anyway, Rifftrax is a new project headed by Mike Nelson himself. It plays like an audio commentary that you put on while watching the movie. At the website, you download a rifftrax for $2.99, or if it's an older older movie, then $1.99. Then you can put it on your iPod or other mp3 player, leave it on your computer, and play it while you watch the movie.
To make sure it's synched up properly, there's Disembaudio, a synthesized robot voice that comes in and speaks a line of dialogue, which should play at the exact same time as in the movie. If it's not synched up, you just pause one or the other for what feels like the right amount of time for the other to synch back up.
Having watched X-Men with the Rifftrax, I can say it's hilarious. It brings back the magic from MST3K, all the same types of jokes, but with movies that have plots (sometimes) and you recognize. I've also downloaded the Rifftrax for Casino Royale and Night of the Living Dead, and I can't wait to watch them.
Here's the downside, at least that I experienced. Maybe it was the iPod or my iPod stereo, but the Rifftrax fell out of synch relatively easily. At some points, I was missing jokes because I was waiting for Disembaudio to pop in and assure me that everything was in synch. The other thing is, you pretty much have to watch it straight through, no pausing, no breaks. Unless you can pause both at the exact same time.
I'm eagerly awaiting another of Mike Nelson's project, The Film Crew, which will be coming straight to DVD. Essentially, it's the same as Rifftrax, but you just hit play on the DVD and let it all happen.
Either way, I'm thrilled that Mike Nelson is contributing to the world again. So take a small risk and pay $2.99 (cheap!) and enjoy at least one. I'm pretty sure you'll be hooked.
If there was a "Mystery Science Theater 3000" show for more mature films, this one would definitely be featured.
I'm watching it right now, as I'm typing, and I've yet to find a plot. So far a skinny-dipping girl has died, some woman doing her laundry, and now there's a military combat scene happening. Interesting.
In fact, for the first 4 and a half minutes, there was only a naked girl tanning and then skinny-dipping, and then being pulled under the water by the lamest zombie ever.
Here's how the second woman died: she's walking through a village with her laundry, when bam! out of the corner pounces the zombie, in military dress. He brings her down to the ground and kills her by...making out with her neck a whole lot. There's a lot of blood, but maybe he bit his cheek. It was awesome when he pulls his mouth away from her neck, and there's no bite, just a smear of blood. He goes back in for seconds, and then you see there's some sort of paper mache on his face.
Here's a fun love scene that took place in a barn: the man is on top, kissing the woman all over. He then rubs his face all over her nipple. Methinks I have a lesson or two to learn.
So, what I've gathered so far, is that there's a military flashback, involving a Nazi soldier gettin' it on with some chick and having a baby, and they both died. The Nazi's body was thrown in the lake.
Cut to a scene where no less than ten young women pour out of a van near the lake, playing with a volleyball. Well, obviously every single one of them strip and run into the lake, splashing each other playfully, with some very happy, upbeat music playing the background. And then all but one gets pulled under and drowned. The survivor runs away, forgetting to cover her shame (i.e., her boobies!).
Near the end there's an entertaining little montage of the Nazi zombies roaming throughout town and attacking women in various forms of undress. And then almost right after that is an underwater pan of the zombies rising from the bottom to the surface, and if you look not so closely, you can see the doors to the tank they filming in. The next shot? Them emerging from the lake.
Oh, man, is this entertaining. Watch it and make your own MST3K jokes alone or with your friends.
"We'd better face the fact that the zombies have declared war."
Under. Rated.
When first happening upon this movie, I read that it was never released into theaters. Why not? It's a Mike Judge flick, and Office Space was and still is loved by millions. Who wouldn't want to release this and cash in? Well, after seeing it, it's easy to figure out. But that doesn't mean this is a bad movie. Quite the contrary, it was really good.
Here's the premise: The military is experimenting in life suspension technologies and rather than use the cream of the military crop, they opt for the most average man in the military, Luke Wilson. Physically, mentally and emotionally he's smack in the middle of every bell curve. They also choose Maya Rudolph, a prostitute, to take part, in exchange for an easing off of her pimp.
The experiment will be suspending the lives of these two lab rats for a full year. However, due to some hiccups in the process, they wake up 500 years later. And surprise! America has become dumber and dumber (and dumber and dumber) over the years.
Now comes the part where this film becomes unbankable in theaters. Give me a biting satire and I'm happy (such is the case for Thank You For Smoking), but I don't think the rest of America would have gotten the joke.
You see, part of the fact that America has gotten increasingly stupid over the years, the American dialect has turned into a mix of hillbilly and urban slang with a southern twang. Carl's Jr., a southern fast food joint, has become a mega-conglomerate, and every water fountain, including the ones in the hospital, serves Brawndo, a Gatorade-like beverage (apparently, Brawndo bought the FDA and the FTC, so it's inescapable).
Back to our characters. Luke Wilson gets sent to prison for not having a barcode on his wrist (the trial scene was hilarious), but escapes due to a genius prison escape plan. He walks up to the guard and says, "I'm in the wrong line, I'm actually supposed to be leaving prison today," and simply walks out the door.
Due to an IQ test he took to determine his prison job, the White House discovers that Luke Wilson is the smartest man in America, and is sworn in as the Secretary of the Interior (during a session in the House of Representin'), and is put in charge of solving all of Uhmerica's problems. First on the list is the dust bowl. Turns out the crops have been continuously watered with Brawndo instead of water (it's got what plants crave!).
Now, it's plainly obvious why it was never released. Who wants to sit in a theater and be made fun of for two hours? Especially if you're a fan of those shmucks at Blue Collar Comedy? I'm pretty sure this film would've provoked more angry letters than riotous laughter.
The downside is that this film had a lot of potential for laugh-out-loud moments. It was all almost there. There are a few scenes that are outrageously funny, but most of them are on the brink of being really funny. But that's the battle of satire of this nature. You want to be really funny, but you don't want the audience to miss the point. Which is to pick up a goddamn book and don't let America sink to the level of allowing the largest Costco ever.
I know this may be a little late, but in classic Jeff form, if a film gets any amount of mainstream acclaim (and this one got a lot), I avoid it altogether.
But let me say now that I really liked this one. Not in the sense that I was wild about it, such as with The Prestige, but in the sense that I was impressed and that it was thought provoking.
This is a remake of one of the most popular movies in Hong Kong, Infernal Affairs. The basic premise is brilliant - the Triads place a young member in cop school, to rise in the ranks, and the police place a young undercover into the streets to rise in the ranks of the Triads. As time goes by, each one has become ambitious go-getters in the imposter roles. It then becomes a race as they each have been put in charge in finding the mole in their respective agencies; in essence, their tasks are to find themselves. Metaphorical!
What I really liked about The Departed is that it managed what few remakes manage to do: use the story of the original, while making the story all its own.
There are plenty of creative differences, but you'll have to watch both to catch them. All I'll say is that I enjoyed the choice to move Hong Kong to Boston and the Triads to the Irish Mob. Too many movies these days use New York and the Italian Mafia, and I'm getting kind of sick of it.
The performances were really good. Even Leonardo Dicaprio, whom I've hated since...well, ever. I like seeing Mark Wahlberg in bigger and bigger movies. And it's kind of funny to hear everyone with a Boston accent. You're used to it with Matt Damon, but Alec Baldwin sounds like Mayor Quimby.
Lastly, the main creative difference I took issue with was the end. I'm not going to spoil it for you, but I will describe the opening credits of Infernal Affairs - just before the opening scenes, there is a quote that says something to the effect of, "The Eighth level of hell is called Continuous hell. It is considered the worst level, due to its continuous nature, hence the name." This is something The Departed completely cut out, and was one of the most compelling themes of the original movie.
Oh, the heady days of care-free New York City killings.
I'm actually surprised a lot more people haven't seen this movie. For having been made in the 80s, with all the hair and clothes that go along with it, this movie has a more timeless feel than about 900 billion other movies made in the 1980s. It's a unique, original story with effective (if low budget) production styles.
Here's the story: there are a slew of random murders in New York City, all seemingly perpetrated by one police officer whose face (thanks to some clever lighting) cannot be seen. Suddenly, there's a fear of the NYPD (like that's possible), and one or two get killed by frightened citizens.
Meanwhile, there's a detective no one will believe, and a young cop (Bruce Campbell in an early roll) who gets set up as the killer, and the dame he beds. Soon, all three team up to expose the real killer and clear their names. It's a race to prove innocence!
It's got some good twists and some good gore. Who can say no?
After seeing this film, I suddenly realized that the creators of Jonah Hex owe Clint Eastwood a little money.
That said, I fucking loved this movie.
Here's what it's about.
Clint plays a nameless character (one of the other characters calls him "Joe," but it's just his way to refer to the guy) who rides into a ghost town and sees a rift between two groups of citizens that is basically running the town itself dry, including its people. So what does ol' Clint do? He plays both sides, systematically destroying both groups and making a little cash for himself.
If this sounds familiar to you, it is. This one is based upon the story of Yojimbo (itself an adaptation of a novel), another of my favorite movies of all time. This was also remade into Last Man Standing, starring Bruce Willis. So what makes this story so damn entertaining?
It's the character. It's a mysterious character that any actor can add any depth to. Toshiro Mifune lent a little dark humor into the role (which made the movie so historic), and Clint played it straight, the stoic tough-guy. You never really know his real name. Toshiro names himself after his age (Sanjuro, i'm pretty sure meaning 40s) and something he sees outside somewhere. You also never know his motivations, or where he came from before stumbling into town. Is he a do-gooder? You get a little insight when he's asked why he's setting a couple free, when he says, "I used to know someone like you." So does that make him vengeful? It's intriguing.
Netflix has a new feature, no doubt to assuage the movie downloading trend and also to one-up the Blockbuster service, where you can actually watch movies online for free. Here are the details: For every dollar of your monthly premium, you get one hour of free movie-watching. For example, I pay $14.99 a month (tax excluded, which brings it to $16 even a month). This means that I get 15 hours a month free to watch movies online. Having watched this feature using this service, here's a small review:
The quality was surprisingly good - it seemed just about DVD quality, if just a little less than. Definitely watchable, even in full screen. None of this blurriness you can get on internet videos. It requires a consistent internet speed, so if your connection tends to go from excellent to poor, then be prepared to have the movie stopped for a period of time. And if your connection is fast enough, the movie will start right up. While I was watching the movie, my connection, for some reason flipped out. The movie paused, and a little bar showed up at the bottom with a timeline telling me my movie wold start again in 7 minutes. But then my connection stopped freaking out at it started right up again.
The audio quality is pretty good - it sounded good on my laptop speakers, so if you've got better ones on your computer, then good for you. The downside is that there are no subtitles available as of now, which I like to use from time to time, especially if there's a lot of background noise in my apartment. The other downside as of now is that there are only a limited amount of movies and TV shows available to watch as of now, but they are adding more all the time.
Okay, on to the movie. This is another "Masters of Horror" entry, the Showtime series where horror directors make original hour-long movies as episodes. However, this one is different because it was never aired. It was actually banned from broadcast. Before watching this one, and having seen several Takashi Miike flicks, I could imagine why. Now, having seen it, I completely understand why. Now, this doesn't mean it's an especially brutal Miike film; if anything, it's a pretty average one, given his penchant for really fucked-up (technical term) visuals. But I can understand how someone who hasn't seen his previous work would really be shocked at this. My opinion? It's a fuckin' horror show, you're supposed to be freaked out.
The story is pretty simple. A man, Billy Drago (John Bly!), comes to an island in search for a woman he loved, Kimomo. The island is basically for the sole purpose of travelers to come spend the night with a prostitute. Not finding her, he spends the night with a woman whose face is really messed up. She claims to have known Kimomo, and tells the man that she has died. Following that is some of the worst grief acting I've ever seen, courtesy of Billy Drago.
So the freaky-faced woman tells the man her story and the story of how Kimomo died. In that story is a torture sequence and lots of fetuses. Go figure.
All in all, it's an entertaining feature - though some of the acting could have been better, the story is definitely Miike caliber, as are the visuals. But if you're not used to Miike, you'll be cringing through part of it.
Rashomon is, at its core, a whodunit. A murder takes place - a body is discovered in the woods, the police are called and those involved are rounded up to give their testimonies as to what happened.
There's an infamous bandit who gets arrested, the wife of the victim who is found hiding in a temple and the person who ran to the police after coming across the body.
So the entire movie is each of them giving their testimonies. Boring, right? Well, not exactly. It turns out that the three stories that get told are all different. In one, the man dies in a duel. In another, the wife kills the man. In yet another, the man kills himself. So who is telling the truth?
One of the most affecting details of this movie is the fact that all of the action takes place in a forest somewhere. There are trees everywhere, which obscure the action at times, and it seems crowded. This, to me, gives the story kind of an other-worldly feeling. Nothing is recognizable, it's all just anonymous woods somewhere. Not to sound pretentious or come across as snooty, but it kind of reminded me of A Midsummer Night's Dream, where people are just wandering around in the woods.
Many people regard this as one of Kurosawa's pinnacle films, along with Seven Samurai. And I agree with them. It's not a normal samurai flick where there's a noble, honorable samurai trying to make the world a better place. In this one, everyone's got a motivation, and everyone's hiding something.
Much like the Kurosawa films from roughly the same period, The Sword of Doom tells the tale of samurai in perfect chronology. As a period piece, it's amazing.
But there's a difference between this one and the Kurosawas.
The Sword of Doom is about an errant samurai, Ryunosuke, who gets kicked out of his school for being just plain evil. It is said that a samurai's fencing style mirrors his own soul. Evil soul, evil sword. And this is very much true here. After getting booted from his school, he plays a match with a rival from the same school, which ends in his opponent's death.
He takes the widow as his own woman, unmarried (a no-no in feudal Japan), and joins various gangs to keep himself busy. Basically, he just likes to kill people. Meanwhile, his dead opponent's brother is tracking him down to seek vengeance.
The big difference here, what makes this film different, is that not only is the main character evil, but it's a samurai. It's pretty much the first time an evil samurai has been depicted on film. Usually, they are noble and honorable.
The ending is fun, as well. Eventually, he goes crazy and is haunted by all the ghosts of the people he's killed in the past, so he starts slashing at the walls with his sword. And then, the gangs he's currently associated with turns on him and ambush him where he's staying. There's a 20-minute sequence where he's just killing people left and right, getting jabbed at here and there. And then, the film ends - right there. No resolution.
A perfect idea of the eternal hell he's no doubt going to experience in the afterlife.
I should probably explain: you see, Showtime has this show called "Masters of Horror." Each episode is a 60-minute original short film directed by renowned horror directors. Wes Craven, Stuart Gordon, Don Coscarelli, John Carpenter, hell, even Takashi Miike (whose entry Imprint is the only one thus far that has been banned from broadcast. But you can still watch it on DVD.). This is a horror fans dream: short films by their favorites, every week. The show has just finished its second season, and I can't wait to see Stuart Gordon's second season feature The Black Cat, starring Jeffrey Combs of Re-Animator fame as Edgar Allan Poe.
Now onto the one I want to talk about. Homecoming, directed by Joe Dante (Gremlins, The Howling, Small Soldiers), is as much about zombies as it is about political satire. It's about a political consultant for the president (a president who sounds very similar to the current president) who, during an appearance on a pundit show, makes a wish about a bereaved mother being able to have her son back (who died overseas in a controversial war). Well, that's pretty much what happens. As dead soldiers continue to be shipped back from overseas, they begin coming back to life. Except, they don't attack anyone. No brains, no flesh. All they want to do is vote. So the political consulant, alongside his new girlfriend, an ultra-right-wing blonde chick with a dirty mouth (do these characteristics sound like anyone in the public eye?), allow them to vote. Unfortunately, they all vote democrat.
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
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